23 Observations On Being 23

  1. The impossible and inescapable feeling of not knowing yourself. Of remembering life as a teenager and thinking then that by now, you’d have it all figured out- when really you’re as lost as ever. Life’s guidelines have run out, and now you’re left floundering in the vast open waters of the world. Who are you? Who do you want to be?
  2. No matter how many times you’ve heard it, rediscovering Welcome to the Black Parade will give you goosebumps every time. 
  3. Cursing your secondary school curriculum for teaching you algebra and not necessities such as taxes, mortgages, pensions and all the other adult stuff you’re just somehow meant to know.   
  4. The joy of finally being able to be as open as you want to be about who you are. The freedom of being able to be unashamed about your interests. 
  5. You either hyper-fixate, or fall victim to complete and utter apathy. 
  6. Wondering why/how everyone else seems to have it all put together, and you’ve just made a lasagne successfully on your own for the first time, making that your first accomplishment of the week on a Thursday afternoon.   
  7. Iced coffee is so good and yes you will post about that religiously on your Instagram because who the fuck cares anymore. 
  8. Falling for someone and wondering how you ever thought that the last time was love at all- thinking that again and again and again. 
  9. Finding a new flaw every time you look in the mirror. Realising you’re an infinite body of them. 
  10. Pasta is a God Tier food. It is tasty. It is versatile. It can be paired with so many things. It is so cheap. You would never turn down pasta. 
  11. Knowing that you need a certain amount of self-worth to be happy. Accumulating scraps of it as years go by. Having chunks stolen by people that are meant to help you find more. 
  12. All the best and worst things are easiest said in the dark.
  13. Thinking back to something you did as a teenager and cringing, and then feeling that same gut punch thinking about something you did two weeks ago. 
  14. Being in the interim- having no place that is truly yours. 
  15. Wanting to make art, but having no idea how to make it. What art form to use. What you want your art to say. Making the art, and then feeling bile in your throat at the thought of people viewing your art. At the thought of them interpreting your art. Fearing what your art says about you, and what it doesn’t. Wanting people to like it. Wanting to not care whether or not people like it. Hoping the art will never come back to haunt you. Worrying about its presence always. 
  16. Sometimes…. Your mother is right. 
  17. Finding solidarity with people who have experienced the same hurt you have. Having that solidarity as a comfort- these people know what you’re going through. Having that solidarity as a source of anger and sadness- how can this have happened to so many people? 
  18. Being overwhelmed by all your choices whilst feeling that you don’t have any at all. 
  19. You don’t understand how your posture is so bad at such a young age, or why your bones creak as much. 
  20. Not having enough time for your interests. Having time and having no interests. 
  21. Constantly debating with yourself the ethics of True Crime entertainment and listening to a ten-hour podcast about murder anyway. 
  22. Finding something that resonates with your soul so intensely that it’s all you can think about for a few hours. 
  23. Knowing you have so many years ahead of you to figure things out and discover new things. Being equal parts excited and terrified of the possibilities of all those years.

Inspired by Everything I Know About LoveDolly Alderton